Letting go of it all. A personal lesson.

Adolesence sucked. It happened later for me than for any of my peers. From being average height and weight I turned into the smallest of them all.

Add to that a high IQ. And being the only atheist kid in secondary school. I was the only one who didn't do his 'confirmation'. You get the picture? Bullying, ridiculed, beaten up, shunned. By peers and the 'Christian' Brothers.

Cue Loneliness. Fear. Rejection. Self doubt.

I started adapting myself by acting more like everyone else so I could belong. Helping others without asking back. Behaving like others so I wasn't lonely. Listening to music because it was popular. And so on .....

(A more in-depth story of my journey is one for a book.)

Somehow I got stuck in that way of thinking. In Uni. In any job I got. In most relationships I had. Because this was never who I truly was and every single time these things would fall apart or suffer. Dropped out of Uni. Lost or quit jobs. Sabotaged relationships.

What also continued was the Loneliness. Fear. Rejection. Self doubt. And adapting myself and pleasing others and doing stuff without asking back.

To stop fear and rejection I adopted a professional procrastination attitude. To stop loneliness I started joining in the adoration of people I never met. Sports clubs, rock stars, celebrities. To stop self doubt I invented stories.

And yet the only results were still Loneliness. Fear. Rejection. Self doubt.

It was time to let go of these. At some stage I started doing self development courses, reading personal development books, getting diplomas as a Coach. I set up a practice as a Qualified Life Coach. I met some wonderful people since. Some. Not that many. But enough to not fell lonely anymore.

Still there was fear, rejection, self doubt. I had to let them go yet the harder I tried the stronger the resistance was.

So I stopped trying. I thought I had anyway. I hadn't. I had just discovered another mask to hide behind. People were still taking advantage of my good nature. Stealing ideas, belittling me behind my back, bullying continued.

And then all of a sudden (as a result of interacting with some awesome people) I became aware. And conscious. Of what everything really is. About the purposelessness of life. That we are simply life realising itself. About the beauty of living in the flow. About the fact that reality is merely a perception. About the Now. About the fact that I was always a complete human.

And I met more truly awesome people.

And then today I got an email. From someone from the past demanding stuff from me. I dismissed it.

And everything fell off me. All the fear, rejection, loneliness, self doubt.

All that is left now is being. Doing what is in front of me. Giving 100% to what and whom I decide. Guiding others to that freedom through Coaching, NLP, Speaking and Writing. Running Marathons. Doing Radio. Podcasts. Just be.

Free. Direct. Straight talking. Loving. Compassionate. Passionate. Kind. No rules. No obligations. No attachments.

Free to live from within. 24/7.

Karma can go f**k itself. Wait, that's impossible. It doesn't exist.

Being doing. Not easy. Yet possible. And simple.


Have a fabulous day

Patte xxx